Have you heard any of these one liners from the farm? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
This January 24th, people all over the world will be throwing their arms in the air and laughing out loud in celebration of Global Belly Laugh Day. Join the celebration as the belly laugh bounces all the way around the world by putting a smile on your face and laughing out loud at 1:24pm Arizona time.
To get you ready to join the fun, here are some jokes about life on the farm.
One Liners
Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens?
He wanted them to lay colored eggs!
When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow to pasture.
Why are farmers cruel?
Because they pull corn by the ears.
What kind of bird lays electric eggs?
A battery hen!
What do you call an arctic cow?
An eskimoo!
Why does a rooster watch TV?
For hentertainment!
What do you get from a drunk chicken?
Scotch eggs!
You might be a farmer if…..
- Your dog rides in the truck more than your wife.
- You have driven off the road while examining your neighbor’s crops.
- You have animals living in buildings more expensive than your house.
- Your family instantly becomes silent when the weather comes on the news.
- You have enough ball caps to match every shirt you own, but you only wear one so you don’t get the others dirty.
- You’ve never thrown away a 5 gallon bucket.
- You have used baling wire to attach a license plate.
- You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate, and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife’s birthday.
- You have used a tractor with a loader as scaffolding for painting or roof repairs.
- Your wife agrees to observe Mother’s Day after the beans are planted.
- You give directions to your farm by using area landmarks, not road names or number.
- You refer to farms by who owned them 50 or more years ago.
- Family weddings and special events are planned around spring planting and fall harvest.
- You know that checkoff is not a Russian diplomat.
- You can tell the difference between the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feedlot.
- Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.
- Your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle, and pigs.
- Your nearest neighbor is in the next section, and you know what a section is.
- You actually understand the geographical necessity of correction lines.
- Your other vehicle is a tractor.
Funny Farm Tales
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
The farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken’s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”
“Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer beamed. “You left with seven.”
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “But I don’t think Pa would like me to.”
“Aw come on boy,” the farmer insisted.
“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “But Pa won’t like it.”
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”
“Don’t be foolish!” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”
“Under the wagon.”
To learn more about farming in Arizona, find a local farmer’s market or where to get a locally grown product, visit Fill Your Plate.
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